Asked to answer: Have you ever had a relationship/dated someone with a history of self-harm? How did it change your perception of them, and of your relationship?

My answer to Quora question:

Have you ever had a relationship/dated someone with a history of self-harm? How did it change your perception of them, and of your relationship?

“Thank you for the A2A.

When I was 17, I got to know of a girl during a trip overseas with my family, and after knowing that both of us were from the same country, we exchanged contact numbers and later on got in touch with each other after getting back home.

Fast forward the story, she later became my girlfriend for a while. After visiting me at work – I just finished taking my major exams and was working while waiting for the release of the results – one day, she decided that she didn’t want to go home. And by that I mean she’s going to be with me with no clothes, no money, a schoolbag, and the set of school uniform she was wearing on her. That wasn’t right, or at least that’s what I thought.

But she wouldn’t leave, no matter how I tried talking to her. She followed me around, and I would – in order not to bring her home – loiter around, go to the beaches to stay for the night, then report back to work without much sleep. She’d be there following me wherever I went. Of course she didn’t have to starve – I couldn’t bring myself to see her going hungry, and so I fed her.

On the – I think – 3rd day, I couldn’t stand the feeling of not showering, I went home, and so she went home with me. We took a shower, and I went back to work. All the while suggesting to her that she should go home. But it seemed to me that she was having difficulty digesting what I was telling her.

I was working as a promoter in a shopping center then, overseeing a booth selling stuffs. She would stand around where I worked, in the same uniform, through my working hours. Imagine that.

I knew I had to send her home, no matter what. So I told her firmly that she had to go home, in the middle of the shopping center where I was working at. I would say my tone at that time was kind of harsh, because I really needed some sleep. She wasn’t happy, of course. She walked away, and I thought I wouldn’t be seeing her again.

On that day, I had a friend who happened to be with me, waiting for me to knock off from work. Out of nowhere, she re-appeared, not looking at me; not wanting to talk to me. She asked for some tissues from my friend, and he did not have any with him.

Then she screamed. And cried. In the shopping center. Asking (begging) for tissues, her hands in front of her with her palms facing up. I looked down, and what I saw was a little terrifying for me at that time – cuts all around her hands, palms, and wrists. Something like this, but on both hands, everwhere down from her inner elbow:

What should I do? How should I react? Of course, as anyone could have imagined, I was shocked. Utterly.

I pulled her to the restroom, pushed her in, and demanded that she cleaned herself up. On the other hand, I got my friend to go grab some plasters and tissues to clean her wounds.

That was it. I had enough, I thought. I gathered a group of friends I was close with at that time, and we discussed and agreed that we should make her go home. I brought her to where she was staying (I stole her ID while she wasn’t looking, and took down her home address). She didn’t want to go back; we could’ve guessed it. But well, worth a try.

As it was late at night, the streets were quiet, and there wasn’t many people around. We tried to talk sense to her, but it didn’t work. Just as we started to feel helpless, answer from God came in the form of civil servants in uniform – the police.

You see, where I’m from, policemen patrol the streets regardless of the time of the days to keep everyone safe. So this “girlfriend” of mine, after seeing police approaching (hey, a bunch of teenagers hanging around in the middle of the night isn’t normal), ran off, and tried many ways to escape their sight, including jumping off a 2-storey high parapet. Well, we all know that police don’t let suspicious people who ran off after seeing them escape. So, they went after her.

It wasn’t long before they got hold of her, checked her ID, and found that her parents had, in fact, made a missing person report on her. She was put into the police’s car, and our statements were taken before my friends and I were sent on our way. According to the police who was taking my statement, this “girlfriend” had multiple records of running away from home, and that incident was, if I can recall, her 5th time. Imagine my feelings.

That incident disgusted everyone, and I am sure I was the most affected one. We kind of were trembling over what happened, but it was also a relief for us all when the police came to our (my) rescue.

Girlfriend? Hell no. I couldn’t convince myself to have any feelings for someone who would play with knives whenever she’s unhappy. Or ran away from home just because she thought she was so in love.”

41c1d-originalAndy Lawson is the average man on the street that you’ll not even trouble yourself looking at him if he passes by you. He’s sensitive to bullshit, and he hates mediocrity in most people.

He is the author of his self-published book: Facts and Fiction of Fengshui: Facts that Masters are NOT Telling You.

He doesn’t have Facebook or Twitter, because he hates to be associated with people who tend to be passive-aggressive online, but he does have a very limited set of vocabularies, terrible grammar, a twisted mind that makes himself God in his own twisted world and an ability to communicate with people who wish to be his friend.


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