Just Another Day As A FengShui Master

2014-12-06 13.21.10-01

“So what do you need for my sis’s daughter-in-law’s delivery date?” She asked with a hand holding her phone, ready to send messages to request for more information. Oh, I’ve failed to mention? Yeah this customer was here to ask for a good date for her grand-nephew’s arrival.

“The mother-to-be’s date of birth with time.” I answered.

“That’s all?” She asked. “The father’s?”

“Yes, that’s all, and I don’t need the father’s birth date.”

“But the master they previously engaged asked for many details, such as birth dates of the whole family.” She tried to bargain for a better deal. By “better”, I mean “value for money”.

“To check compatibility of the newborn to the whole family?” I asked.


“Look,” I said, adjusting my seat, “I don’t know how other masters do, but my priority is the mother of the newborn.”


“A mother walks through the gates of hell and back during a delivery, and it’s not my concern whether the baby is going to be the next superstar with good ‘ren-yuan’ or the next Bill Gates. My job here, as the master whom you are engaging now, is to make sure that the mother walks out of the hospital safely. The father is not going to sacrifice any part of his body in this process, and hence I don’t need his as well.”



41c1d-originalAndy Lawson is the average man on the street that you’ll not even trouble yourself looking at him if he passes by you. He’s sensitive to bullshit, and he hates mediocrity in most people.

He is the author of his self-published book: Facts and Fiction of Fengshui: Facts that Masters are NOT Telling You.

He doesn’t have Facebook or Twitter, because he hates to be associated with people who tend to be passive-aggressive online, but he does have a very limited set of vocabularies, terrible grammar, a twisted mind that makes himself God in his own twisted world and an ability to communicate with people who wish to be his friend.


One response to “Just Another Day As A FengShui Master

  1. Pingback: A Bracelet of Love | The World of Andy Lawson·

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