I believe I’m not alone in this. More often than not, people from the real side of life (mainly people whom you can poke their eyes with your fingers if they are in front of you) are inquisitive, often asking questions regarding affairs that they can live without knowing, such as how many times we have sex in the kitchen, our preferences in positions and blah blah blah. Of all the questions posed to me, some are about the affairs of blogging that you and I are doing on a daily (if you blog daily) basis. So here I am, with a list of answers that can help you when you are facing them.
The next time someone comes to you and asks you about blogging, you can direct him or her (or it) here to save your time. Oh my, what a way to bring traffic to my blog. Despicable Andy Lawson.
#1 You’re A Blogger?
Erm, truth is, no, I’m not. I thought I was registering for an account for…you know, that thing that says you can earn good money if you go for the…what’s it called? Never mind.
Anyways, Satan called and gave me this task of writing stuffs that you don’t read for the sake of the-fuck-you-care, and I guess “blogger” was the title that came with the job.
#2 You Sure Have The Time For It
As a matter of fact, no one has time for anything. Take a look at yourself, do you have time to [insert sarcasm here]*? You don’t, right? Everyone finds time not on his or her side, but when it comes to having sex, do you say no? The same goes to blogging.
*Whisper*: Do you know we bloggers actually do reach orgasm when we are writing? (then give the person a wink)
#3 Where Do You Find The Ideas To Write
I already have a story about me killing you gruesomely using ways you can’t even imagine. Wanna publish a book together?
#4 What Can Your Blog’s Followers Do?
They can process words that go into their eyes and up to their brains. I remember the dictionary terming it as “reading”.
#5 What Can Blogging Bring You?
Do you know that illnesses, cancers being one of them, are usually accelerated by stress building up inside our body? So blogging, or writing things down usually bring us something called a preventive cure, if you know what that is.
Or another way to call it is “FUCKING SATISFACTION”.
#6 They Say People Who Write Kills With Their Words, Is That True?
I can kill with my hands, does that make it a valid question?
*If the person who asks is fat, talk about working out. If the person who asks is skinny, talk about eating. If the person who asks is someone who has an athletic body, skip that damn sentence.
**Andy Lawson is not liable for any friendships lost that derive from the use of this article. Individuals are reminded to exercise judgement before using the answers on the person posing the question, such as body size, martial arts background, the type of knife he/her is holding, the number of bullets left in the chamber and many other considerations included but not listed in this post.
Andy Lawson is the average man on the street that you’ll not even trouble yourself looking at him if he passes by you. He’s sensitive to bullshit, and he hates mediocrity in most people. He is the author of his self-published book: Facts and Fiction of Fengshui: Facts that Masters are NOT Telling You. He doesn’t have Facebook or Twitter, because he hates to be associated with people who tend to be passive-aggressive online, but he does have a very limited set of vocabularies, terrible grammar, a twisted mind that makes himself God in his own twisted world and an ability to communicate with people who wish to be his friend.