In this second part following the earlier post “Through the Glass Panels”, I am presenting you the cranky side of me. You know, as we sit in the silence, sometimes we need a little craziness to shake ourselves out from the emotional thoughts. Here I am, armed with my trusty notepad, I present you:
Things To Say In An Airport That Make You Look/Sound Stupid
#1 To the soldier on duty
“Is that rifle that you are holding? Are there rounds in the magazine? *whisper: Are they real rounds?”
#2 To the same soldier mentioned in #1
“I saw someone wearing the same uniform as you, and with the same rank. He looked young, perhaps early twenties. But you look like you’re going to be a grandfather. Pray tell, good sir, why is that so?”
#3 To the person besides you looking at planes taking off
“You’re here to see planes? I’ve a Youtube channel that you can consider.”
#4 To the one with a Bindi (read: Indian woman)
“If I press that, will you explode?”
#5 To the airport security (You can consider the soldier in #1)
“There’s a threat here!” Then crouch down, point at person #4.
#6 To the person boarding the plane
“Do you think there will be Final Destination I on the plane? Man, of all sequels, I love that first movie the most.”
#7 To the same person boarding the plane (#6)
“I hope you know how to swim.”
#8 Still to person #6
“Have you remembered to buy insurance with your tickets?”
#9 To anyone sitting in the gallery enjoying the peace
“It’s quiet here huh. You know the thing they say, about ‘calm before the storm’?”
#10 To person #9
“I think that plane is heading in here.” Then run away and don’t look back.
#11 To anyone wearing a turban
“What’s in there? Grenades?”
#12 To anyone departing and taking photos with their phones before boarding
“Save your batt. You might need it later. By the way, is roaming activated?”
#13 To person #12
“Be glad you made it. Now don’t come back.”
#14 To person #12
“You sure turbulence isn’t a word invented by pilots to keep mouths shut while they are panicking?”
*Andy Lawson is, by no means, trying to disrespect any readers of any race or culture. Reading of this post is purely for entertainment purpose only. I advise you to take any displeasure that may arise from reading of this post up your ass because there is no room here for uptight shit. When in doubt, consult your common sense.
Andy Lawson is the average man on the street that you’ll not even trouble yourself looking at him if he passes by you. He’s sensitive to bullshit, and he hates mediocrity in most people. He is the author of his self-published book: Facts and Fiction of Fengshui: Facts that Masters are NOT Telling You. He doesn’t have Facebook or Twitter, because he hates to be associated with people who tend to be passive-aggressive online, but he does have a very limited set of vocabularies, terrible grammar, a twisted mind that makes himself God in his own twisted world and an ability to communicate with people who wish to be his friend.