I think this can be fun.
Here’s what happened: This morning I woke up to clear the notifications I got from WordPress, and after replying to the comments left to me by the good friends in the blogging community, I went into the dash-board, and I saw 01 comment in the spam queue waiting for my acknowledgment. Now, I’m not a person who’ll go checking out spam comments. But because the stars are a little misaligned today, I was curious to know if it was indeed spam, so I clicked on it. Then I saw this:
Zoom in, and you’ll see clearer.
Now, I’m not a person who’s exactly patriotic, but I’m also not a guy who dislikes the country he was born in. After seeing this dull-witted shit, I – not pissed actually – decided to leave a message here for this guy. After all, he left it for me (my blog, no?).
To the ball-less person (I suppose you don’t have testicles or breasts to start with, do you?) who sent me this using an email that looked so professional:
You had come shitting in my yard, and you left with your butt full of shit. Even though WordPress held it back for me to approve prior publishing, you disturbed me a little when you spammed me with your super-long-copy-and-pasted dull paragraph of SUCKS. You’re a coward when you did that, and a stupid one at best. But I’m going to let you go, because I’m a generous person to hang around with.
I have time for you, buddy, I really do.
If you want to hide in the shadows of your mama’s armpits, well, so be it and enjoy the favour of her sweat dripping off her armpit hair. But if you are mentally unsound, you’ll need a doctor. Get your illness sorted out before you come online again.
I’m not kidding.
While I’m not sure if you’ll be coming back to my blog again, I’m going to extend the invitation for you to come back here. The choice is yours. If you think you’ll like to comment some more of your views that are as pointless as the tip of your dick/nipples, please, do so. The Internet is a public space for everyone, including this page that you are reading. Nevertheless, it is my duty to remind you that everything that is posted here is going to be my responsibility. If I were to leave a little hint to you, it will be “I might will do something”.
I have few tubes of lubricant for my…. never mind, you don’t need to know anyway. Just know that I might find them useful when you come in here with your pants down again. Who knows?
I stick by my judgment of you – an idiotic namby-pamby who uses anonymous emails that are not dispensable (seriously, Hotmail?) to spam others because of the unhappiness that you are too weak to deal with. I’m sure I’m not the only one, and I will not be the last one you’ll harass. You are self-absorbed; you are so convinced that your problems are caused by the people around you, and you are not smart enough to realize that you are in an environment with access to the Internet (otherwise, how did you come in here? Kong Hee helped you?). The brainwaves inside your skull are so messed up; they are making you lose yourself, and you are not capable of doing anything to control the waves in your mini brain (singular, because I’m pretty sure you have only one brain instead of two). You used words that you thought would anger me (erm, like “sucks” and more “sucks”), but you failed because you only did it in a manner so awful that would put even the cockroaches you fucked with last night with to shame. I suggest you to do it again, because the next time you come to me shaking your ding dongs between your legs, I might breathe harder with my eyebrows creased up at the sight of your inverted penis.
*P.S: I’m so generous; I did not use the word “pea” to describe your brain.
**P.P.S: I’ve successfully held back sarcasms that would be worse because I’m just this nice and generous.
Andy Lawson is the average man on the street that you’ll not even trouble yourself looking at him if he passes by you. He’s sensitive to bullshit, and he hates mediocrity in most people. He is the author of his self-published book: Facts and Fiction of Fengshui: Facts that Masters are NOT Telling You. He doesn’t have Facebook or Twitter, because he hates to be associated with people who tend to be passive-aggressive online, but he does have a very limited set of vocabularies, terrible grammar, a twisted mind that makes himself God in his own twisted world and an ability to communicate with people who wish to be his friend.